Family. Fleeting Time. Love.

Family

Here is how it works...

Mom and Dad are blessed with the gift of children. In my family there are four daughters.

Mom- SMART! Kind. Generous. Sensitive and loving. Mother. Sister. Daughter. 

Cathy- SMART! Super artistic. Sensitive and loving. Mother. Sister. Daughter. 

Barbara- SMART! Bold and strong. Sensitive and loving. Mother. Sister. Daughter. 

Nancy- SMART! Me. Sensitive and loving. Mother. Sister. Daughter. 

Melissa- SMART! A Force. Sensitive and loving. Sister. Daughter. 

When we are little, our parents do their very best with the information they learned; no guide book.

When we are growing, our parents do their very best with their experiences; no guide book. 

When we are grown, our parents love us and keep doing their very best as we continue to make our way in the world. 

When we are grown, we use the same information to be good daughters, sisters, mothers and people.

It is our responsibility to be more loving.

It is our responsibility to grow wiser with our knowledge and experience. 

It is our choice to be a family. 

We are all separate and unique individuals with a common thread. 

We are all given the very fleeting gift of time. 

It is our choice how we use it. 

Dad is gone. The gift of time was more fleeting and 20 years has passed. I miss him more each day. His smile, his laugh, his adventurous ways, his childlike wonder, his generosity, his gift of gab, his stories, his flaws, his unwavering love. 

The gift of time is finite. I miss his presence in my life. 

Our Mom is here. I love her laugh, her smile, her loving and caring ways, her generosity, her stories, her beautiful spirit, her flaws and her unwavering love. 

The gift of time is finite. Soak in her being here now. 

Family.

BOYS. BOYS. BOYS!

On Saturday we had the pleasure of being at the best.birthday party. ever.! G and S were invited to attended a party at the NC Arboretum. The day was cold and damp outside, but the festivities were warm, lively and full of BOYS!
After holding a rat and snake and learning survival skills, we all headed into the woods to learn how to build a shelter out of sticks, bark, leaves and whatever else happens to be be near.
Soon the cold, damp feeling gave way to the excitement of the challenge to 'build it'! There were also several girls there. They ROCKED the shelter building and made quite a team!
Everyone soon got involved; it was contagious!

N, J, S and G are seen here in the amazing shelter built by S and his Dad, Tom.

Chazz, our Educator, was super cool and the boys loved that he be breaking branches and giving tips on how to make the most efficient shelter! Great work!

Thank you to our friends and extended family for coming to the party. I love Kelly, Julie, Jeff, Nina, and Tom for all getting into the action. G and I are forever grateful to have such amazing connections and loving people in our lives.

BOYS ROCK!


*photo courtesy of Kelly

And Time Is The Only Constant

Today, I ran across this photo of my now 9 year old son. Being a photographer gives me reason to take thousands of photos and in some cases, I do not really "SEE" them for years.
This photo clearly shows my son at about three years old, gleeful after having a kiss from his favorite person, his Nana. Her bright pink lipstick is a tell tale sign AND his amazing excitement over the most precious moment.
My Mom is now 71 years old and still wears her signature color pink. My son is not having ANY kisses at this point; he is way to old for that he says.
I love his eyes and their sweet, youthful, exuberant joy! He is so happy and I hope that he continues to have this feeling throughout his life. As he gets older, his eyes see things and his ears are filled with things that are not the fairytale life I would wish for him. But, he still sees things with an open and loving heart, amazing wonder and joyful learning.
As his mother, I too see things through his eyes. For this I am eternally grateful.
This year is one of new horizons, growth, release, and reconnecting with my roots.
With childlike wonder, I embark on this new chapter in our lives. My son, clearly at the root of all my decisions, will see some amazing things and have the chance to 're-meet' his family and friends.
My life is truly blessed. Dreams are alive. Truth and love do win.
Cotton Candy, Rainbows and Ponies...beaches, sunsets and dolphins too. I LOVE IT!

Heaven on Earth

Look at this little boy. Tiny, wearing his NASA uniform, jumping across a HUGE opening in the earth. This was only a little over 2 years ago. Now, my little boy, is ever taller, wears no NASA uniforms anymore, is much more daring in jumpling off or over truly large spaces, is a reader, a speller, understands so much of what is going on in this world and continues to astound me daily. He is my Heaven on Earth!
When confounded by adults who still cannot make the leap or take the chance or ask the questions, I look at my now 7 year old child and know that the world is a better place for having him on it.
He is astouding, beautiful, resilient, peace-loving, and knows that he is here to do something great in the world. He knows that he is a leader, but lets others lead. He knows he has a lot of knowledge, but lets others have their own and soaks it in. He is a peace-maker, where there is no peace. He does not judge, he loves and sees and is just fantastic in my eyes and my heart. I adore him !!
Take a minute to look at your children, really look at them, love them when they are tough, laugh hard when they are silly, go easy when things aren't that important, play. Hug them, smell their hair and know that is such a very short time, they will be taller than you. They will want to spend more time with their friends, they will be a teenager and then off they fly.
They are not our possessions. They were entrusted to us to guide, love, and allow to grow. Fill them with as much love as you can give, expose them to great things and when they come back to see you, they will hug you, smell your hair, remember you as they do now.
Garrett recently asked me this:" Mom, do you consider yourself everything or a small grain of sand on an endless beach?" I replied, "I am a small grain of sand on the endless beach for sure." He then said "Yeah, me too, but all together we make a beautiful array of colors and textures."
And then off he went to school...I was speechless. I love him.

True Love- My Son and His TummyMommy

BirthMother's Day-May 9th

In the midst of many life altering experiences, I have had the opportunity to stop and relish in all that is my life. There are so many things to be grateful for and yet there is only one True Love.

My True Love is my son.

And in turn, my True Love comes from his TummyMommy.

Without the grace and courage of Kim, my son, my True Love, would not be part of my life.

He is part of the fabric of me. It cannot be explained in words how much I love him. Putting words to it would limit it; adding boundaries on my feelings that do not exist.

On Saturay, May 9th, I honor and graciously thank his TummyMommy, Kim. It will be Birthmother's Day.

On December 26, 2002, Kim gave birth to my son. She held him, stayed with him in the hospital for four days, took in all of his features, sketched him while he slept, and then on December 29, 2002, she bravely handed him to me. She said "Thank you."

How do you answer? I had no words and hugged her for as long as I could. My True Love was with me and his TummyMommy was going back to her life. Pure love and surrender on her part.

My son is now six years old. He is smart, funny, artistic, and he is my True Love. Life without him, it seems impossible. For that, I am truly grateful.

To all Birthmothers, I am humbled. In their surrender, they completed a family; created the experience of being a Mom.

The Banyan Tree and it Grows

As a 'non-traditional' family, my son and I are more than a family tree. We are a banyon tree.

A Banyon tree is one that grows from one tree trunk, has branches that reach out and then the tree grows hanging vines. After hanging and growing over the years, they reach the ground and start a new tree trunk.

In essence, the tree continues to grow and spread, not just by the branches alone, but by the many new trunks that are formed.

My son is adopted. He has a birth-mother and her family. He has a birth-father and his family. He has a HeartMommy and my family and he has a HeartDaddy and his family.

These are four trunks that have already grown from his existence; amazing and beautiful. Imagine all the lives he has touched by being a part of each of our lives. And each time he touches one of us, we start to grow a vine that eventually hangs down, reaches the ground and a new base is formed. Everlasting.

I thank God everyday for the gifts he has given me. He has created new life in through one soul. He has brought together so many people who may have never known each other.

Thank you to my Banyan Tree Family.

Peaceful Flight Into the Unknown

After attending a wonderful weekend in the Florida Keys for my sister's wedding, I was offered the opportunity to fly on a private plane to Tampa, Florida. My plan had been to rent a car, drive about 6 hours to Naples, Florida to visit a dear friend and then drive back to New Smyrna Beach for my original flight home to Asheville. When my sister called and said that the private flight, with a colleague, was available I jumped at the chance to go! Upon arrival at the airport in Key West, I asked to fly co-pilot. This was so thrilling, being in the front of the plane, wearing the headset, helping with the pre-flight check and flying the plane for a bit. Jerry, the pilot and owner of the plane was wonderful. He explained things as we went along, let me bank the plane, showed me how to fly using the instruments and we seemingly floated above the turquiose waters of the Florida Keys.

About 10 minutes into the flight one of the other three passengers tapped Jerry on the shoulder and was pointing. It quickly became evident that there was something seriously wrong. An oil leak had erupted through the right engine, near the propeller and oil was flying off the wing and back into the air. Jerry quickly called the Miami Tower and declared an emergency. Having the headset on allowed me to hear everything that was being conveyed. It was incredible!

One minute floating gracefully through the air and the next in an emergency, looking for clearance at the nearest airport. We were completely over the water, no land in sight. Jerry handed me the emergency procedure booklet and had me answer 'check' to all his instructions. He explained that the engine would freeze up if we did not 'flutter' it down-turn it off completely. We would be flying on one engine and one propeller. I carefully followed his instructions, watched as the oil gauge went to zero, the lights for the engine were shut down and stared at the now silent and still right propeller. *The photo is of the plane, after the propeller is turned off, while we were in flight. I was on the right side... see the amazing water and sky beyond. WOW!

What was my reaction? What were my thoughts? Was I afraid? I was as peaceful as I have ever been. I was not afraid. My thoughts turned to the idea that this is what life is about. We are not in control. We are not in a safety net with infinite time. The risks we take, the decisions we make and our actions are all something that we have a choice about, but in the end, we are truly at the mercy of God. My life did not pass before me as if I were watching some movie, but the thoughts of what, where, when and how I had lived my life did. My son Garrett was of course my first thought. If this plane went down into the waters surrounding Florida, would he be proud to have had me as his Mom? Yes, he would. That is all that mattered.

I was joyful in knowing that I had come to Florida to be a part of a wonderful weekend, spent time with family and friends, was back home-Florida and now over the water where I grew up. If it was my time, there would be no better place than to head to heaven here. I began taking photos. Just my eyes vision of what I was feeling. Light, peaceful, rested, safe, and grateful for all I had in life. My son, family, friends, and nothing short of an adventurous life...

As seredipidity seems to play a significant part in my life, the nearest airport was Naples, Florida. The city where I wanted to be and was planning on driving to all along. Amazing how these things work out. I told Jerry, it was my lucky day!

We had about 15 minutes of flying left on the one engine, all the while talking with Miami, Ft. Lauderdale, and the Naples airport towers on clearing the area and the runway. We flew at a 35 degree pitch to keep the right wing up; avoiding a downdraft. As we approached the Naples airport, the emergency crews were waiting at the end of the runway and we landed on one wheel, slowly leveled out and taxied into the airport. Perfect execution! The tower called to the plane and asked if we could taxi to the hanger. The answer from Jerry- "No, Go!" and just like that there was a flurry of emergency vehicles, ambulance, people and we were surrounded.

As the consumate photographer, I began snapping photos of all the activity, called my friend to explain I had arrived early and she picked me up at the Naples airport. It was so surreal and yet so peaceful. I feel blessed to have had the experience.

Life is an amazing series of chances, choices and experiences, all bundled together to create our existence. Life IS good!

And Then Life Throws A Curve Ball

Today is Friday and it is early; everyone still sleeping.

As I write this my brain is relieved as my Mom is also with me and my sisters, sleeping peacefully at home.

But, on Tuesday afternoon life spun as fast as lightening. My Mom, 68 years old and very much the active Nana, was rushed from her doctors office by ambulance to the hospital; blood pressure off the charts and having a 'cardiac incident'.

Luckily, I had arrived to be at her appointment, but I never expected to see my Mom, white and scared as the doctor explained what was happening. As for me, I was instantly in action mode.

Calling my three sisters and my aunt to let them know what was happening, getting arrangements made for my son's care, racing to the hospital to meet the ambulance and then the waiting...testing...waiting...admitted to the hospital.

My Mom was beside herself, after be given drugs a plenty, she was upset, confused and as well trying to comfort me. This is what my Mom does. She is the one who comforts us, even as she is in pain and scared.

Two of my three sisters were with me within 12 hours; driving and flying from two different states. My oldest sister had left for Europe and so she was on the phone for the up to the minute status.

And the details are more details, but here is the end of the story.

After 2 plus days in the hospital, tests complete, and the new pharmacuticals ready, my Mom came home.

Life.

As my Mom sleeps upstairs, I am so thankful for one more day with her.

I am grateful for my family as we come together; coordinate, communicate and work as a team. Sisters are amazing!

All the plans in the world do not prepare you for seeing your parents need care. My Mom is timeless, efffortless, every lasting...

The Truth

This past weekend, I attended the USMC Birthday Celebration Ball.
My brother-in-law, Maj. Darrel R. Robinson and my sister Barbara hosted me and a friend Kate for a weekend never to be forgotten.

The Ball is a full-blown event honoring the Marine Corp. all Marines, their Navy Medic Corp. and America. Pagentry, historic depictions of the USMC, honoring the fallen, welcoming the youngest Marine and saluting the oldest Marine.

For me, it was a night of goose bumps, chills, tears, laughter, and thanking as many Marines and Navy Medics for their bravery, honor and commitment to America.

Some had just returned from a tour of duty others were on their way to their first, second or third tours. We met one Marine, paralyzed from the chest down by sniper fire. He was no more than 30 years old. We met several Navy Medics, one who told a story of trying to save a life amidst sniper fire, only to lose him three days later from his injuries. Both received medals for their bravery and yet neither of them wanted to accept that they were deserving of any special treatment. They were only doing their job as a Marine or Navy Medic.

At some point in the evening, late into dancing, and well into the sleepy morning hours, we started talking. Real, truth talk.
One Navy Medic asked me, "Do you want to know the truth?".
Yes, I did.
He told me his truth, I told him mine, as a group we all shared ours, and we all experienced an unforgetable moment together; five strangers at the beginning of the evening, friends at the end.

The Truth- My way...

"I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special." -Steel Magnolias

• You may learn more from strangers in one night than you will from friends and family in your entire relationship.
• You may know someone for an instant and they can be gone in the next. Peace or War, no matter.
• Soft quiet, even silence, speaks volumes.
• We all face bravery in our lives; but some face bravery for ours, theirs and strangers lives.
• Actions are the real indicator of purpose.
• Words are sounds; not truth until acted upon.
• Chance encounters will change your life, your perspective, your inner core.
• Goodness is all around us.
• Fear is not real; only when we believe we cannot overcome.
• Fear can take your thirty minutes of something wonderful; never to be relived.
• Youth nor age make you wiser, smarter or better; you do.
• Reach out, smile, take action, overcome fear, make friends with strangers.
• Listen.
• Listen.
• Listen.
• Love your service men and women; even if you hate war.
• Never give up the truth. Never stop living.
• Do not live a lifetime of nothing special.
• Have thirty minutes of wonderful! Do it everyday...
• God Bless America!

Darrel and Barbara are the consumate hosts. We were treated like VIP and it was fun. My friend Kate stopped people in their tracks with her beauty, inner and outer. My gown was fabulous and I felt that way too. Kate and I were like Cinderellas at the Ball; yes there can be two Cinderellas. Midnight did not end the fantasy experience, it only got better; more fun.

5:00 am is late or early depending...we slept late; the Marines and Navy Medic Corp. reported for duty at 0800; ready to run and drill and learn how to protect us more, better, longer, and for always. None of us were in a hurry to say goodnight. We may never see any of the group again, by chance, by life, by war; but we are friends.

Sunday came too fast, we packed up and headed out. Darrel let me ride on the back of his Harley for half the trip to their house and Kate the other half. Now, that is 30 minutes of something special...pure joy, freedom, loud and silent together.

The Truth. It is just that...