Spring Is Here! Butterfly...

There are times in our lives when the seasons have some type of magical and spiritual meaning. For me, the past two years have been some of the darkest winters on record. The winter season lasting the entire two years. It seemed like a snowball affect with anything I did, touched, loved, wanted or achieved. Drifting along through my days, getting by, wishing and hoping for better times and yet, I was still hanging out in this cold, blustery place called winter.

This year has been one of renewed love, spirit, happiness, and joy. My spring has arrived and all is possible  for me. I feel a sense of belonging. My community continues to grow. Forgiveness and peace abound.

I have written before about the butterfly during its transformation and how painful and confined it must feel having to be in that place. However, the result of enduring such trauma is wings! Wings that allow this once earth bound creature the ability to float above and see all around.

As I have endured these past two years,  I have felt more uncomfortable in my own skin than ever before. If I could have broken out of it and been somewhere else, I certainly would have made that choice. But for my love of my son, my close and ever faithful friends, my determination and being down right stubborn, these would have been the last straw.

And now, and now, I am ever grateful to my son, my dearest and kindest friends, and new love for having me be a part of a great experience. Thankful to all those who have been a part of the healing process and thankful to those who were not as well. For those who have exited my life, have freed my heart to live and love and grow.

Kindness. Caring. Receiving Love. Rejuvenation. Happiness. Wellness. 

With my feet firmly planted on the ground, this butterfly is floating on the warm wings of Spring!

Just 5 Minutes...Good or Bad, Just 5 Minutes

Brilliant!

We can do anything for 5 minutes, (except hold our breath) and taking just 5 minutes to write is something I am doing.

Yesterday I met with Jill Sparks of the AB-Tech Business Incubator about HeartMommy. She is my business mentor and coach. She was my counselor and cheerleader yesterday. Coming back is hard. Writing is hard. Photography is hard. Work is hard. Life is hard.

But, if we break it down into smaller bits and times it seems less daunting and manageable. If we lose our "A" game because of things out of our control, then we must let the illusion of our "A" game change. We must adapt, if only for 5 minutes.

Recently on a walk with Garrett, we came across giant flowers plants with brilliant yellow flowers bursting forth, reaching higher to the sun. The color was electric and seemed unreal. How long did this flower take to come to the point of brilliance? How many months, weeks, days, was it a seed, a leaf, a bud, a small bloom? How many days were there no signs of it being able to bloom? I am certain any and all of these experiences lasted more than 5 minutes.

So, I write and I take photos. I work and I live. If only for 5 minutes at a time, I am living, reaching, waiting, growing, climbing, still, dancing, singing, loving, and being me. This is the thing of life.

Until next time, I am off to run. Run for at least 5 minutes at a time and then 5 more...

And Time Is The Only Constant

Today, I ran across this photo of my now 9 year old son. Being a photographer gives me reason to take thousands of photos and in some cases, I do not really "SEE" them for years.
This photo clearly shows my son at about three years old, gleeful after having a kiss from his favorite person, his Nana. Her bright pink lipstick is a tell tale sign AND his amazing excitement over the most precious moment.
My Mom is now 71 years old and still wears her signature color pink. My son is not having ANY kisses at this point; he is way to old for that he says.
I love his eyes and their sweet, youthful, exuberant joy! He is so happy and I hope that he continues to have this feeling throughout his life. As he gets older, his eyes see things and his ears are filled with things that are not the fairytale life I would wish for him. But, he still sees things with an open and loving heart, amazing wonder and joyful learning.
As his mother, I too see things through his eyes. For this I am eternally grateful.
This year is one of new horizons, growth, release, and reconnecting with my roots.
With childlike wonder, I embark on this new chapter in our lives. My son, clearly at the root of all my decisions, will see some amazing things and have the chance to 're-meet' his family and friends.
My life is truly blessed. Dreams are alive. Truth and love do win.
Cotton Candy, Rainbows and Ponies...beaches, sunsets and dolphins too. I LOVE IT!

Heaven on Earth

Look at this little boy. Tiny, wearing his NASA uniform, jumping across a HUGE opening in the earth. This was only a little over 2 years ago. Now, my little boy, is ever taller, wears no NASA uniforms anymore, is much more daring in jumpling off or over truly large spaces, is a reader, a speller, understands so much of what is going on in this world and continues to astound me daily. He is my Heaven on Earth!
When confounded by adults who still cannot make the leap or take the chance or ask the questions, I look at my now 7 year old child and know that the world is a better place for having him on it.
He is astouding, beautiful, resilient, peace-loving, and knows that he is here to do something great in the world. He knows that he is a leader, but lets others lead. He knows he has a lot of knowledge, but lets others have their own and soaks it in. He is a peace-maker, where there is no peace. He does not judge, he loves and sees and is just fantastic in my eyes and my heart. I adore him !!
Take a minute to look at your children, really look at them, love them when they are tough, laugh hard when they are silly, go easy when things aren't that important, play. Hug them, smell their hair and know that is such a very short time, they will be taller than you. They will want to spend more time with their friends, they will be a teenager and then off they fly.
They are not our possessions. They were entrusted to us to guide, love, and allow to grow. Fill them with as much love as you can give, expose them to great things and when they come back to see you, they will hug you, smell your hair, remember you as they do now.
Garrett recently asked me this:" Mom, do you consider yourself everything or a small grain of sand on an endless beach?" I replied, "I am a small grain of sand on the endless beach for sure." He then said "Yeah, me too, but all together we make a beautiful array of colors and textures."
And then off he went to school...I was speechless. I love him.

Just being Me

As I move through life, I have gone through many iterations, changes and transformations.

I was the super shy awkward girl who spent a lot of time alone, reading, writing poetry and sketching. I was the super-tomboy who raced remote control boats with my Dad. I was the studious teen, who would cringe at the thought of breaking any rules. I was the late teen who could think of nothing better than to break all the rules; just because.
I was a college student, I was a college drop-out. I was a waitress, a flight attendant, a secretary, a legal assistant, a college graduate, a graduate student, a teacher, a corporate trainer, a worker-bee, a manager of teams, and always a writer.
I was married and not married.
I live on the right side of town. I lived on the wrong side of town. I lived in comfort. I lived in squalor. I lived.
I was poor. I was rich. I was poor.

I am now a mother. I am a writer. I am a photographer. I am a business owner. I am a friend. I am a lover of life. I am me.

Me, the person who cries easily. Me, the person who protects fiercely. Me, the person who cares deeply. Me, the person who forgives. Me, the person who lives peacefully.

Just Me.

I have grown and changed and transformed and I can finally say, I love just being me.

I love that I went through all the things I have, to come to the place I am. I love the idea that there will be many more changes, transformations and versions of me to come.

Just Me.

I will become something different each time, but lose nothing of what I was or what I am now.

I will become something more. A richer version of me. A more intensely layered me. A more colorful me.

Just me being me.

Well Built Structures

People say, "things aren't built like they used to be." In fact, this is true. Things, whatever 'things' are; are not built like they once were. Does this make them better or worse?
Because things are built differently, are new, innovative, something that we have not experienced or are experiencing for the first time may, in fact, mean that they are well built structures.
For instance, houses were built by people with cut down trees, placed together with something binding and had a roof for shelter. They were built for a specific reason and were not built 'like they used to be' either.
Today, houses are built by people with machined wood, bound together with mortar, drywall, tile, etc. and have a roof made of shingles and so on. And, they too are not as they used to be, because they serve a different purpose, in a different world.
As life and the world change at a quickening pace, with new people, new experiences and new things, it is our brain that must also change. We must remember the past for what it was, hold on to memories for what they are and really experience the present for what it is.
This thing we have is a well built structure; life as we now know it. Amazing!
I am so happy that things are as they are, my memories are dear, what life has brought to me is well built, my brain is changing and growing, and the present is something spectacular!
Having well built structures, new or otherwise, is a state of mind. It is what we make of them and how we enjoy them. Although there may be a few dents, cracks or other imperfections, these walls are something to be joyful about.
Life is "not what it used to be" and yet, it is just as it was meant to be all along; A Well Built Structure.