Spring Is Here! Butterfly...

There are times in our lives when the seasons have some type of magical and spiritual meaning. For me, the past two years have been some of the darkest winters on record. The winter season lasting the entire two years. It seemed like a snowball affect with anything I did, touched, loved, wanted or achieved. Drifting along through my days, getting by, wishing and hoping for better times and yet, I was still hanging out in this cold, blustery place called winter.

This year has been one of renewed love, spirit, happiness, and joy. My spring has arrived and all is possible  for me. I feel a sense of belonging. My community continues to grow. Forgiveness and peace abound.

I have written before about the butterfly during its transformation and how painful and confined it must feel having to be in that place. However, the result of enduring such trauma is wings! Wings that allow this once earth bound creature the ability to float above and see all around.

As I have endured these past two years,  I have felt more uncomfortable in my own skin than ever before. If I could have broken out of it and been somewhere else, I certainly would have made that choice. But for my love of my son, my close and ever faithful friends, my determination and being down right stubborn, these would have been the last straw.

And now, and now, I am ever grateful to my son, my dearest and kindest friends, and new love for having me be a part of a great experience. Thankful to all those who have been a part of the healing process and thankful to those who were not as well. For those who have exited my life, have freed my heart to live and love and grow.

Kindness. Caring. Receiving Love. Rejuvenation. Happiness. Wellness. 

With my feet firmly planted on the ground, this butterfly is floating on the warm wings of Spring!

The 11th Hour!

As the sun sets, I am reminded that all things come to pass. They may not come when or how we envision them. They may seem like mountains that are too tall to climb or oceans to vast to swim. And, in some cases they are indeed out of our control, not to be redeemed or corrected. But, in some rare instances, the world hands us a very thorny bloom. When handled carefully, it provides the sweetest scent. 

Today was an 11th hour day. Best described as gut-wrenching, gnarly, traumatic and truthful. A day that reminded me of a dark period in my childhood, when I realized that people can be mean and do make assumptions about each other with very little truth. Discrimination at its finest. The haves and the have nots. The feeling of being judged by being the customer. The feeling of being small and rather disposable. 

I am grateful.

Today was an 11th hour day. It provided a very sweet scent from a loved one. The truth about their personality. The truth about their constitution, regardless of the situation. Their nervous, happy, sad, concerned. loving, open and honest self. The warm ocean waters that envelope me and make all old wounds seem to disappear. The knowing that even in my small, little child mind and child hurts, they are 'steady as she goes.'

 I am grateful. 

Today was an 11th hour day. When all seemed dark and without solace, a dear friend, nudged me to stay the course, do not give in, do not give up. Get into the SUN, she urged me. Remember where you were and where you are now. Look hopefully and happily into the future. Take these challenges as a sign that I am strong and worth it. Friends are those people that really get into your pile with you and hold you up. Held up to the truth, in whatever form it may come. Whether pretty or not, that friend loves you. 

I am grateful.

Today was an 11th hour day. It brought certain resolution to two good things. Decisions made, thoughts made real, dreams secured and that 12th hour is now an easy one. This 12th hour is meant to relish in the new beginnings. It is meant to bring soft comfort and freedom. 

Thank you my oppressor. Thank you my love. Thank you my friend. 

This 12th hour is "Resplendent like the noon day sun." 

It is warm, comforting, soothing, easy, refreshing, renewing, and carries me. 

I am warmed. 

Neon Trees And Niceties

NEON TREES and Niceties...

Today is the 30th of October, 2012 and we have officially entered into Fall. We have had an earthquake, hurricane, snow, cold, warm, sunny, rainy, windy, perfect and interesting days.

Yesterday, as I took photos of everything lighting up from the sunburst from behind the clouds, it rang in my head that I had a court date for my formerly expired tag and the ticket that went with it. And, I realized that I also had a parent/teacher conference at my son's school as well. What to do?

Life as we know it can become a huge blur of 'things' and 'places to be' and 'errands' and 'car line' and 'appointments' and the list is endless...it seems the only real time we have is when we finally fold into bed, exhausted from all the chatter around us and go to sleep. Briefly. Then as we have endless dreams of all the things we have or have not done, we get the alarm clock welcome to the morning. Again. Again, and Again.

So, yesterday, I took about 3 minutes outside of the grocery store, in between errands, and took several photos of the glorious events happening in the parking lot. It was extraordinary. But wait, my court date and my ticket! My conference at school!

Well, as it were, I decided to call the Henderson County Court, Traffic division, and ask about appearing by phone, coming in early or emailing confirmation of my tag and the ticket being taken care of, in lieu of appearing in person. No. The clerk explained that I must appear in person. Drat! I sat there quietly for a moment and explained my dilemma. Really. As if the clerk of the court would truly want to hear my story, blah, blah, blah. But wait, he asked my name again and said, much to my astonished ears, "I will just postpone your appearance until January 2, 2013." WHAT! Niceties from the Clerk of the Court; I am happily aghast. Just like the sun bursting forth from the snow clouds, the Clerk, went out of his way to accommodate my story and create a suggested solution.

Yesterday was a natural wonders and disasters day to be remembered; Neon Trees included.
Today is a human condition day to be remembered; Niceties included.

Are we at the end of our days? Perhaps. The end of our days as we know it. Peace.

And Time Is The Only Constant

Today, I ran across this photo of my now 9 year old son. Being a photographer gives me reason to take thousands of photos and in some cases, I do not really "SEE" them for years.
This photo clearly shows my son at about three years old, gleeful after having a kiss from his favorite person, his Nana. Her bright pink lipstick is a tell tale sign AND his amazing excitement over the most precious moment.
My Mom is now 71 years old and still wears her signature color pink. My son is not having ANY kisses at this point; he is way to old for that he says.
I love his eyes and their sweet, youthful, exuberant joy! He is so happy and I hope that he continues to have this feeling throughout his life. As he gets older, his eyes see things and his ears are filled with things that are not the fairytale life I would wish for him. But, he still sees things with an open and loving heart, amazing wonder and joyful learning.
As his mother, I too see things through his eyes. For this I am eternally grateful.
This year is one of new horizons, growth, release, and reconnecting with my roots.
With childlike wonder, I embark on this new chapter in our lives. My son, clearly at the root of all my decisions, will see some amazing things and have the chance to 're-meet' his family and friends.
My life is truly blessed. Dreams are alive. Truth and love do win.
Cotton Candy, Rainbows and Ponies...beaches, sunsets and dolphins too. I LOVE IT!

Well Built Structures

People say, "things aren't built like they used to be." In fact, this is true. Things, whatever 'things' are; are not built like they once were. Does this make them better or worse?
Because things are built differently, are new, innovative, something that we have not experienced or are experiencing for the first time may, in fact, mean that they are well built structures.
For instance, houses were built by people with cut down trees, placed together with something binding and had a roof for shelter. They were built for a specific reason and were not built 'like they used to be' either.
Today, houses are built by people with machined wood, bound together with mortar, drywall, tile, etc. and have a roof made of shingles and so on. And, they too are not as they used to be, because they serve a different purpose, in a different world.
As life and the world change at a quickening pace, with new people, new experiences and new things, it is our brain that must also change. We must remember the past for what it was, hold on to memories for what they are and really experience the present for what it is.
This thing we have is a well built structure; life as we now know it. Amazing!
I am so happy that things are as they are, my memories are dear, what life has brought to me is well built, my brain is changing and growing, and the present is something spectacular!
Having well built structures, new or otherwise, is a state of mind. It is what we make of them and how we enjoy them. Although there may be a few dents, cracks or other imperfections, these walls are something to be joyful about.
Life is "not what it used to be" and yet, it is just as it was meant to be all along; A Well Built Structure.