Neon Trees And Niceties

NEON TREES and Niceties...

Today is the 30th of October, 2012 and we have officially entered into Fall. We have had an earthquake, hurricane, snow, cold, warm, sunny, rainy, windy, perfect and interesting days.

Yesterday, as I took photos of everything lighting up from the sunburst from behind the clouds, it rang in my head that I had a court date for my formerly expired tag and the ticket that went with it. And, I realized that I also had a parent/teacher conference at my son's school as well. What to do?

Life as we know it can become a huge blur of 'things' and 'places to be' and 'errands' and 'car line' and 'appointments' and the list is endless...it seems the only real time we have is when we finally fold into bed, exhausted from all the chatter around us and go to sleep. Briefly. Then as we have endless dreams of all the things we have or have not done, we get the alarm clock welcome to the morning. Again. Again, and Again.

So, yesterday, I took about 3 minutes outside of the grocery store, in between errands, and took several photos of the glorious events happening in the parking lot. It was extraordinary. But wait, my court date and my ticket! My conference at school!

Well, as it were, I decided to call the Henderson County Court, Traffic division, and ask about appearing by phone, coming in early or emailing confirmation of my tag and the ticket being taken care of, in lieu of appearing in person. No. The clerk explained that I must appear in person. Drat! I sat there quietly for a moment and explained my dilemma. Really. As if the clerk of the court would truly want to hear my story, blah, blah, blah. But wait, he asked my name again and said, much to my astonished ears, "I will just postpone your appearance until January 2, 2013." WHAT! Niceties from the Clerk of the Court; I am happily aghast. Just like the sun bursting forth from the snow clouds, the Clerk, went out of his way to accommodate my story and create a suggested solution.

Yesterday was a natural wonders and disasters day to be remembered; Neon Trees included.
Today is a human condition day to be remembered; Niceties included.

Are we at the end of our days? Perhaps. The end of our days as we know it. Peace.

Just 5 Minutes...Good or Bad, Just 5 Minutes

Brilliant!

We can do anything for 5 minutes, (except hold our breath) and taking just 5 minutes to write is something I am doing.

Yesterday I met with Jill Sparks of the AB-Tech Business Incubator about HeartMommy. She is my business mentor and coach. She was my counselor and cheerleader yesterday. Coming back is hard. Writing is hard. Photography is hard. Work is hard. Life is hard.

But, if we break it down into smaller bits and times it seems less daunting and manageable. If we lose our "A" game because of things out of our control, then we must let the illusion of our "A" game change. We must adapt, if only for 5 minutes.

Recently on a walk with Garrett, we came across giant flowers plants with brilliant yellow flowers bursting forth, reaching higher to the sun. The color was electric and seemed unreal. How long did this flower take to come to the point of brilliance? How many months, weeks, days, was it a seed, a leaf, a bud, a small bloom? How many days were there no signs of it being able to bloom? I am certain any and all of these experiences lasted more than 5 minutes.

So, I write and I take photos. I work and I live. If only for 5 minutes at a time, I am living, reaching, waiting, growing, climbing, still, dancing, singing, loving, and being me. This is the thing of life.

Until next time, I am off to run. Run for at least 5 minutes at a time and then 5 more...

And Time Is The Only Constant

Today, I ran across this photo of my now 9 year old son. Being a photographer gives me reason to take thousands of photos and in some cases, I do not really "SEE" them for years.
This photo clearly shows my son at about three years old, gleeful after having a kiss from his favorite person, his Nana. Her bright pink lipstick is a tell tale sign AND his amazing excitement over the most precious moment.
My Mom is now 71 years old and still wears her signature color pink. My son is not having ANY kisses at this point; he is way to old for that he says.
I love his eyes and their sweet, youthful, exuberant joy! He is so happy and I hope that he continues to have this feeling throughout his life. As he gets older, his eyes see things and his ears are filled with things that are not the fairytale life I would wish for him. But, he still sees things with an open and loving heart, amazing wonder and joyful learning.
As his mother, I too see things through his eyes. For this I am eternally grateful.
This year is one of new horizons, growth, release, and reconnecting with my roots.
With childlike wonder, I embark on this new chapter in our lives. My son, clearly at the root of all my decisions, will see some amazing things and have the chance to 're-meet' his family and friends.
My life is truly blessed. Dreams are alive. Truth and love do win.
Cotton Candy, Rainbows and Ponies...beaches, sunsets and dolphins too. I LOVE IT!

New Year, New Decade, New, New, New

Here is the thing.
For whatever reason, this year was something of a blur. It passed so quickly that I can hardly remember many of the events that constituted this moment in time.
Having said that, I am still writing my weekly column in the Biltmore Beacon- Carrie from Sex in the City minus the sex minus smoking minus living in NYC+friends+strange and unusual questions and thoughts on everything. You get the picture. A colunmist in Asheville, NC...interesting and sometimes not.
So, here is this thing.
If a recipe is the base of a great cake or anything, you must have all the ingredients to create and enjoy the end result. As in life, you must have a base with which to start. At what point to you decide what the base is going to be?
Is it family, is it work, is it creative outlets? Friends, I believe are certainly part of the base of most life recipes and I have many; I am grateful.
Truth, not telling the truth, but living the truth. Living a life that expands as it goes. Jumping in feet first, no exit plan, laughing hard, helping others, being someone who does not comsume of the earth, but who enjoys it and shares it with others.
Love, I mean not just loving something, but giving everything for the love of everything. Breaking down the walls we have built up for protection and receiving.
Here is the thing.
As much as I profess to be these things, with my base ingredients, the recipe to make it work and the ability to bring the walls down, I am anything but that.
My tolerance for mean, inept, ungrateful, selfish people has created what I call "Jabathehut". Me, this "all american girl'. Me, the person who loves babies, and the elderly, and animals, is Jaded. Never in my life have I felt loathing for things, people and experiences. I have had my share of these moments, but I have now put myself in a position, by ignoring and ommiting what is happening around me.
I have busied myself with so much. Chasing after something that is, I know not.
As this new year, decade and chapter begin, I will speak my mind, exercise my right as a free person who can and will shed and entire layer or hundreds of layers. Me, the person I dreamt of being.
Here is the thing.
If not now, when? If not when, how? If not how, why?
Reflection is a way of learning and letting experiences help us created and become what we want. So it is now, how and why I am...

On Being a Mom and All That It Implies

Being a Mom. Being a Mom. Being a Parent.

When we are chosen or chose to become a mother, it changes life is ways that are never known until we are experiencing them. It is like riding a roller coaster for the first time. We know it will be scary, exhilarating, intense, perhaps painful, rough, bumpy, up and down. We know it in our brain but the actual experience is something quite different. Being a Mom, it changes who we are to our core. Never again do we exist only for ourselves, there is always and will always be someone who depends on us. We are a we and not a me. We are teachers, guidance counselors, healers, comforters, disciplinarians, protectors, and promoters.
We must choose to be the Dreamweaver and not the Dreamsquasher.
We must choose to put ourselves first but at a very small margin, which often turns to second or third. We must learn to hold on and let go. We must have love that rejuvenates everyday and grows in ample supply to store for a rainy day.

A true balancing act that requires grace, patience, energy and true love.
Being a Mom and all that it implies...
And in this time, being a Mom does not exclusively mean being a woman.

The definition of a parent: One who begets, gives birth to, or nurtures and raises a child; a father or mother.
And as a Mom, I am in awe of other parents. How do they do what they do? How do they accomplish all the things they do in one day? How do they keep their schedules, their friends, their relationships, there lives, themselves? It is a miracle that continues to astound me.

Before being a Mom, I was me. A career woman, traveling five days a week to climb the corporate ladder, to earn more money, to have more things, to be bigger, better, and prove to myself and others that I was just as driven, focused, ambitious, just as any other who was on my path.
After becoming a Mom, I was a we. Still a career woman, not traveling, climbing slower, earning less, taking less to give more, and yet, being bigger, better, proving to myself and others that I was just as driven, focused, and ambitious, as before, just on a different path.
The balancing act of being and seeing what is and all that it implies; being a parent.

Part Two of this post, 3/17/2009.

When I wrote this post last Friday, I was set on the idea of it being about Moms, but knowing that there are a lot of fantastic Dads out there doing it all too. Even in the best of relationships and marriages, there are often certain things one or the other parent is good at and they take on the majority of that responsibility. And as I wrote, it turned into another thought process, the idea of being a single Mom or Dad and how even the slightest change in our lives creates an even bigger change in the lives of our child. A small ripple, spreading and growing, energy that changes everything for them. The choices we make, the focus we have, the intensity in which we have decided to dedicate to keeping those ripples small, for their sake.

I am the first to admit, I am no perfect parent or person. My life has had many changes that have created ripples so huge that there is no way to know if they are rolling into a Tsunami that will come crashing at some later date. I hope not. I pray everyday for the strength and knowledge to get it now, so it makes life more fun for my son later.

I want to be his Dreamweaver! I want to be an inspiration to him. I want him to be a great man; loving, kind, generous and always exploring; and all that this implies.

Well Built Structures

People say, "things aren't built like they used to be." In fact, this is true. Things, whatever 'things' are; are not built like they once were. Does this make them better or worse?
Because things are built differently, are new, innovative, something that we have not experienced or are experiencing for the first time may, in fact, mean that they are well built structures.
For instance, houses were built by people with cut down trees, placed together with something binding and had a roof for shelter. They were built for a specific reason and were not built 'like they used to be' either.
Today, houses are built by people with machined wood, bound together with mortar, drywall, tile, etc. and have a roof made of shingles and so on. And, they too are not as they used to be, because they serve a different purpose, in a different world.
As life and the world change at a quickening pace, with new people, new experiences and new things, it is our brain that must also change. We must remember the past for what it was, hold on to memories for what they are and really experience the present for what it is.
This thing we have is a well built structure; life as we now know it. Amazing!
I am so happy that things are as they are, my memories are dear, what life has brought to me is well built, my brain is changing and growing, and the present is something spectacular!
Having well built structures, new or otherwise, is a state of mind. It is what we make of them and how we enjoy them. Although there may be a few dents, cracks or other imperfections, these walls are something to be joyful about.
Life is "not what it used to be" and yet, it is just as it was meant to be all along; A Well Built Structure.

Isn't It Funny

Isn't It Funny?

Today, as I watched my son play dinosaurs in our yard, I thought how much he had changed.

And to see his intense concentration in Kindergarten Chess. Yes, Chess...he really gets it too. The sponge of the child's mind is a delight.

He is taller, his face is more mature, and now he sings songs while playing. Tonight as we chatted before bedtime, he started giggling and could not stop, his little face crinkled up with silliness. And yet, as I look over the website and the photo site with his pictures, there is so little change.

On the far left of the photo site is Garrett so small, days old if that, with a small smile. On the far right is Garrett now. He has the same smile, the same eyes and the same nose.

Tonight, as I browse these familiar photos I think, isn't it funny, no matter what is happening in the world today, what is happening in our lives, things are as they are meant to be.

http://heartmommy.shutterfly.com/

(Top left 2002 and Top right 2008)

In the middle are Kim and Steve at our first meeting after Garrett was born.

Garrett is a beautiful soul. He will always be.



HeartMommy