Friday, December 26, 2008
But for me today is the day I became a mother. December 26th is the day that Garrett arrived on this earth. Late last night he could not sleep knowing that his birthday was coming; just as excited as for Christmas morning. We talked about when I met him while still in Kim's womb and how I got to see his picture from the sonogram, but only his head. We discussed how he became Garrett because of a dream that I had about two days before he was born. The names picked out for the baby were Emily Grace if the baby was a girl and Ethan William is the baby was a boy. But, I had this dream that said his name was Garrett, and he is Garrett through and through. During our conversation, he asked me if I knew what his name meant. I played along and asked him to tell me. "Brave Warrior" he said proudly. It is true.
In the early morning hours of December 26th, I received a call from Kim's mother Wendy. She said come now, the baby is coming. FLYING out of the bed and into the car, racing to the hospital and seeing Kim was surreal. The nurse came in and explained what was happening and that only two people could be in the labor/delivery room. Kim asked me if I would be her birth coach! I nearly fell over with joy, holding back my tears to not break the seal on the welling up. After two hours of intense pushing, I could see the very top of Garrett's head. But, Kim's labor would not progress and Garrett was stuck. The doctor decided it was time for a cesarean and they whisked her away. I was not allowed in the operating room. Then the tears flowed, I cried and cried. Not out of sadness, not out of fear, but just joy and love knowing that she was going through all of this for Garrett. She was so very brave. In the waiting room were Steve, Josh, my Mom, my sister Melissa and me. We talked and waited, sat silently and waited. It was like a 1950s waiting experience. After what seemed like eternity, we walked into the hall and I started pacing. About that time a nurse wheeled a bassinet down the hall as she softly cried. "Oh. no" I said, "Something happened to that baby, the nurse is crying." She kept coming toward us. Then cheerfully she said through her tears, "Do you want to see your baby?" All the blood rushed out of my brain and I stared.
The baby was swaddled in a white blanket and gender neutral hat. "Is it a boy or a girl, I asked?" and the nurse unwrapped the baby and exclaimed, 'It's A Boy!" I could not take my eyes off of his, he opened them wide and looked right at me. My heart exploded! We had only a few seconds of silence with him when the rush of family came to see him. The nurses and the doctor were all crying along with us. Garrett was radiant!
I went into a trance of some sort, just staying plastered to the window as they cleaned, weighed, measured and took his footprints. He just lay there calmly, sucking two fingers.
About an hour later I got to hold for the first time. In a private room. Awestruck, I stared at him. Touched his tiny fingers, smelled his hair. I was a mother and he was my son, Garrett, The brave warrior.
Life had begun as I know it.
Today is Garrett's birthday. The most important day of the year and today Garrett is six years old.
Thank God for my son.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Over my life, I have been the mother to my little sister, Mimi. As well, the mother to hamsters, guinea pigs, cats, dogs, birds, fish, turtles, any living thing that needed nurturing; I was the mother.
My one prayer in life was to have the chance to be a mother to a child, my child. And the prayer was answered at 1:19 pm on Thursday, December 26, 2002 in Melbourne, Florida. Garrett my precious son was born and is now going to be six years old in a couple of days.
Hard to believe that the lifetime of worrying, working and wondering has flown by and we are all growing with Garrett. He is the beginning of life as we know it.
After six years, his birthparents, Kim and Steve, are still very much a part of our lives. Kim is a special education teacher in Florida and Steve is a physicist in Florida. They were High School sweethearts and dated after Garrett's birth. Kim has recently gotten married to Bill Price and they are an amazing couple. We had the good fortune to be a part of their wedding in June 2008.
As we come to the anniversary of two sets of parents being created on December 26, 2002, I pay homage to Kim and Steve. Having waited until she was 8 months pregnant to make a final decision, picking Garrett for us to be his parents and having the bravery to hand him to me when we left the hospital on December 29, 2002.
I have never and will never have a word or utterance to fully explain my love and gratitude for their love.
Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday to Garrett!
Love to Kim and Steve and Garrett's large extended family!
Friday, December 19, 2008
Along with my love of flip flops is my equal non-love for misspelled words.
As a former teacher and professional corporate trainer, I was forever surprised by spelling errors I encountered in both written and typed information.
There was nothing like receiving a wonderful paper from a student only to have to translate the actual content, after correcting the spelling, and then re-reading it for comprehension. As well, when I would review and deliver training to clients, I would cringe at the sight of the one misspelled word in the midst of hundreds of pages of content.
My handwriting is atrocious, so I cannot claim any beauty contest winnings on my penmanship; I like to blame it on being left-handed. However, with the advent of typewriters (yes, I did learn to type on one of these dinosaurs) and computers, there is no reason to have misspelled words.
To my dismay, I wrote my Flip Flop post, posted it and then read it!
I was not LOL but was OMG about the whole thing and as a reminder to myself, I am leaving the word in the post. It will make me think twice or three times before posting prior to reading and using the amazing tools available for me.
Just in case you have not seen this tool, it often appears as an ABC with a check underneath it. As a fail-safe there is the other option called "Preview". Each of these created by someone like me, who not only want to read the written word but want to truly understand it.
For those of you who have no idea what LOL and OMG are, they do not appear in spell check. These are new words...or something.
This photo is the standard by which all shoes are rated. If there is a flip flop to be worn, I will wear it.
Yes, this photo was taken yesterday, in Asheville, NC, at the Grove Park Inn. I was there doing a 'photo shoot' for my friend Kate and her family. Gman got to come along and we all enjoyed the Christmas decorations, and festive feeling in the air.
As a huge fan of Christmas, I feel like a kid when I am around decorations. Traveling to Florida for Christmas every year is the BEST Christmas present ever. So, in the spirit of both Christmas and Florida, I had my toes done. A festive wine color to go with my most important accesory; flip flops!
Some girls love diamonds, some love bags and some love shoes, but I love flip flops!
They give me a sense of freedom. They give me a sense of Florida. They give me a sense of peace.
Happy Holidays and Peace to all!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
My personal site is www.newbaby.com/heartmommy
On there are three of my first videos; one which includes the Jewels That Dance Diamond event for National Adoption Month.
Jewels That Dance is my manufacturer for HeartMommy jewelry and have been here in Asheville for 25 years. They are a fabulous team and I am proud to have them create my work based on my HeartMommy designs.
Have a look at the VLOG and give me some feedback and ideas.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
This past week plus has been one of the most exhausting of my life. Seriously draining, mind blowing, tough, bad, hard, no fun and on and on. So, why do I say this now in the middle of the night? I am exhausted but cannot sleep. I am too tired to sleep. Is it possible? I am the poster child for insomnia.
As well, this week has been one of the most exciting too. Does this add to the insomnia? Where is my sand-man?
I have heard that if I write it all down, then my brain will relax and I can then leave it for another time, thus sleep will come. So, I write....
My mom is better, not 100%, but better.
My son is still sick, on terrible medicine and trying his hardest to be well for our vacation to Florida.
Me, I am hopeful as the new year approaches and aprehensive in the same breath. My health is great, better than in many years past. I feel better, look better, have an overall sense of myself and what I want. I am grateful for all that I have.
The new year, shedding of the old and rebirth of the old/new/good things.
More writing, more photography, business success, new ventures, new friends, rekindled friendships, forgiveness, love, laughter, happiness.
See, now I am rambling, a true sign of exhaustion.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
My brother-in-law, Maj. Darrel R. Robinson and my sister Barbara hosted me and a friend Kate for a weekend never to be forgotten.
The Ball is a full-blown event honoring the Marine Corp. all Marines, their Navy Medic Corp. and America. Pagentry, historic depictions of the USMC, honoring the fallen, welcoming the youngest Marine and saluting the oldest Marine.
For me, it was a night of goose bumps, chills, tears, laughter, and thanking as many Marines and Navy Medics for their bravery, honor and commitment to America.
Some had just returned from a tour of duty others were on their way to their first, second or third tours. We met one Marine, paralyzed from the chest down by sniper fire. He was no more than 30 years old. We met several Navy Medics, one who told a story of trying to save a life amidst sniper fire, only to lose him three days later from his injuries. Both received medals for their bravery and yet neither of them wanted to accept that they were deserving of any special treatment. They were only doing their job as a Marine or Navy Medic.
At some point in the evening, late into dancing, and well into the sleepy morning hours, we started talking. Real, truth talk.
One Navy Medic asked me, "Do you want to know the truth?".
Yes, I did.
He told me his truth, I told him mine, as a group we all shared ours, and we all experienced an unforgetable moment together; five strangers at the beginning of the evening, friends at the end.
The Truth- My way...
"I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special." -Steel Magnolias
- You may learn more from strangers in one night than you will from friends and family in your entire relationship.
- You may know someone for an instant and they can be gone in the next. Peace or War, no matter.
- Soft quiet, even silence, speaks volumes.
- We all face bravery in our lives; but some face bravery for ours, theirs and strangers lives.
- Actions are the real indicator of purpose.
- Words are sounds; not truth until acted upon.
- Chance encounters will change your life, your perspective, your inner core.
- Goodness is all around us.
- Fear is not real; only when we believe we cannot overcome.
- Fear can take your thirty minutes of something wonderful; never to be relived.
- Youth nor age make you wiser, smarter or better; you do.
- Reach out, smile, take action, overcome fear, make friends with strangers.
- Love your service men and women; even if you hate war.
- Never give up the truth. Never stop living.
- Do not live a lifetime of nothing special.
- Have thirty minutes of wonderful! Do it everyday...
- God Bless America!
Darrel and Barbara are the consumate hosts. We were treated like VIP and it was fun. My friend Kate stopped people in their tracks with her beauty, inner and outer. My gown was fabulous and I felt that way too. Kate and I were like Cinderellas at the Ball; yes there can be two Cinderellas. Midnight did not end the fantasy experience, it only got better; more fun.
5:00 am is late or early depending...we slept late; the Marines and Navy Medic Corp. reported for duty at 0800; ready to run and drill and learn how to protect us more, better, longer, and for always. None of us were in a hurry to say goodnight. We may never see any of the group again, by chance, by life, by war; but we are friends.
Sunday came too fast, we packed up and headed out. Darrel let me ride on the back of his Harley for half the trip to their house and Kate the other half. Now, that is 30 minutes of something special...pure joy, freedom, loud and silent together.
The Truth. It is just that...
Friday, October 24, 2008
After proper cooling, real chocolate icing, red piping, coolwhip, and gummy animals were added for authentic cake appeal. Beautiful works of art and could pass for yummy cake....
Then they made cards to be 'sweet' and give the gift of cake-trick or treat style.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Today, I took my neighbor's dog Henry for a walk. He is a Large Golden Retriever, beautiful, playful, full of energy, and strong.
Yesterday, we went for a hike, up a logging road, over the river and through the woods; ending at a small cafe. Henry was an instant celebrity and we sat, sipped warm coffee and enjoyed the rest. Then back to the hike; we all had a fantastic workout in the perfect fall weather. Crispy, deep blue skies, bright sunshine and vibrant colors-reds, yellows, oranges, and green!
Today, I thought it would be fun to take the 'easy' stroll around the lake near our house. It is 2.5 miles and yet, it seems like a short stroll because of the amazing scenery. The sparkling lake with the backdrop of the mountains full of their fall foliage. The loons and geese are gently swimming through the lake and the trees are swaying in the breeze.
Henry agreed that it was another fabulous day and bounced down the path watching the squirrels scamper up trees as we made our way. His smile was adorable and he wagged his happy dog tail all the while.
As we rounded the last stretch before heading home there is an amazing clearing where you can see across the lake, into a cove and it was like diamonds; brilliant! Directly after the clearing is the most amazing grouping of blackberry bushes; dare I say tall hedges, that are FULL of blackberries in summer.
Henry was overjoyed to see a group of birds in the water and decided to make a run for it! He leap through the brambles, into the lake and after I was into my ankles; I broke free. Henry swam like a champion to the birds!!
Attached to Henry were his leash and my pink fleece. Hilarious!!! Important...not really in the grand scheme of things. I did have my cell phone in my hand still, so things were good.
Henry swam and swam....the pink fleece floating behind like a beacon.
After swimming to the middle of the lake, or my version of the middle, Henry made his way back. This time he came to lakes edge at the clearing; jumped out, shook vigorously, and then off we went. The fleece still intact and amazingly dry in some areas. Who knew!
Now comes the important part.
I got Henry home, washed him down, let him dry in the sun, and made my way home to start work.
As I was working and talking on the phone, I felt my neck where my HeartMommy necklace is around my neck at ALL times. Gone!
I almost vomited, started running around like a rat in a maze, my mind raced, and I began calling my friends and neighbors- Denise and Becca. Both were home or close and agreed to meet me at the jump off spot and fan out.
A vision of the movie Titanic played in my head as the lady drops the giant diamond off the boat and it floats away forever. Well, my version included brambles and green pond grass...
I ran backwards through the yard and on to Henry's driveway; just to make sure before I hopped in the car to head to the lake. Important?
This necklace is something I cherish and touch all the time as I think of my son. The actual metal and pieces are not important, but the symbol of it; so important!
I RAN to the driveway....and there it was, glistening in the sun! Sparkling and I cried.
Henry was happy to see me again too. :)
The experience of having this perfect day, a great neighborohood, amazing friends near, was so great. Henry being a dog, so wonderful, as I miss my own dogs who are now gone. The experience of expecting my necklace to be in its' place and having it be gone; important on so many levels.
When I picked my son up from school today, he bounded out with a giant smile and warm hug. He is the reason for this thing called life; parenthood. He is important. Everything else pales in comparison.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
For instance, a large family of dust-bunnies have managed to sneak into my house over the last week...okay a couple of weeks. Well, I have had the vaccuum next to the door near the largest of the dust-bunny clan, but for reasons beyond my control, I cannot move my particles to create enough motion to evict the family. Okay, I love the bunnies too...
But not moving still brings everything and everyone around you to a slower pace.
Life is so fast at times it may seem we are whirling, but is it fast because we do too much or we fill our time with too much that is truly motionless?
What I have learned is that things change. They just do. There is no good, bad, judgement or emotion; things just change.
Staying in motion is important. Whether we are working, playing, or growing in some way, our motion creates an effect that ripples out, creating more motion. Genius right? I know, I have discovered some hidden truth...brilliant.
No, but I know that when my motion slows to the speed of the dust-bunny crawl, my motivation also slows, my hunger for knowledge slows, my ability to be on the edge slows and yet the ripple effect moves no less quickly; it seems to move more quickly.
Again, there is change; but the ripple effect is moving at the exact same speed.
Why the musing of such things? Because, things have changed.
The world, the speed at which we receive information, the intesity of what is around us, and we must move with it. Not too fast, not too slow; a dance of balance.
Most importantly, we must move our thoughts. Keep them in a balance that allows us to see what is ahead, not sit too long in the present; enjoy it, and certainly not stewing in the past.
This is true with every thought. What we send out in thought; and remember everything is made up of particals in motion, will manifest itself somewhere. Think of things you want, think of movements you want to take, think of what it means to be successful; family, friends, things, money, whatever it is; move it into motion.
It will change things and things change. It is a fact.
My thought,-I intend to move forward with change, learning the dance, enjoying each movement, fondly remembering the past, learning from the present, and in doing so, creating the change of the future, I call success.
Those dust-bunnies, I evict them with love and good will. Tomorrow...
Sunday, October 12, 2008
I wanted to make a good impression on my first date, so I showered, shaved, put on make-up, got dressed up in dark jeans and a crocheted sweater. Oh and perfume too...
When I picked myself up, I was pleased with my date. We went in the Kermit Green Honda Element, listened to Maroon 5; really LOUD, with all the windows down.
After finding a parking spot and meandering through the hoards of Asheville locals and curious tourists, me and my date came upon a cat in a window of a jewelry store. At first I thought it was a toy, but then it moved and his owner sprinkled a bit of catnip on the window sill. I quickly pulled out the camera and took a photo of the now drunk cat.
Then me and myself strolled up Biltmore Avenue and while waiting to cross the street; we were approached by a man wearing a black placard telling of the end of the world. He wanted me to know that although he found me attractive, his commitment to God was what his mission was on this earth. Was he asking for a date or was the devil reaching under the placard for a tickle?
Swiftly, we crossed over, drewled at the Cupcake shop....and passed by without looking too closely. Meandering is something that is easily done in Asheville. There is too much to see.
Musicians playing, a lady yelling at someone on the cell phone, another lady chatting quietly to herself, skateboarders, dogs, dogs and dogs.
The Kress building has a great artist gallery; so I snapped some shots of a shiny windchime, twirling and singing in the perfect weather. My date was so easy going, not rushing, not talking too much, no complaining; prefect.
Then we went to visit Heaven Rains in the Grove Arcade. A boutique that carries HeartMommy jewelry. Rosalind wanted to re-order so we chatted, watched people browse and enjoyed all the commotion downtown.
Around we went, past the amazing cathedral, bells ringing, and on to Jewels That Dance to say hello to my manufacturers and to browse for things I would LOVE. Of course we went to Malaprops, a local bookstore, where everything is cozy, warm coffee, interesting people. The first thing inside the bookstore is a shelf of 'banned' books. Dr. Suess....banned.
We leave the bookstore, stroll past the Woolworth gallery, and head right for a sushi and saki lunch. My mouth waters as I get close to Wasabi, thinking of the #9 Roll and a hot saki. 2:45 pm...15 minutes until they close. As I enter, thwarted at the door-Sorry, we are closed. WHAT! No #9, No Sake...okay, we rebound and head towards the Noodle Shop.
On the way, we take shots of the tall building near the courthouse, I call it "The Devil's Advocate" building; scary. As I neared the Noodle Shop, there was a LINE of people.
Our date was coming to an end, no sake, but a great time watching, listening, photographing, and experiencing Asheville on a date with myself.
With new orders from Rosalind, another wave at the drunken cat, we head off in the Kiwi Element...lovely.
Next date- #9 roll and Sake 1st; then meander.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
On the far left of the photo site is Garrett so small, days old if that, with a small smile. On the far right is Garrett now. He has the same smile, the same eyes and the same nose.
Tonight, as I browse these familiar photos I think, isn't it funny, no matter what is happening in the world today, what is happening in our lives, things are as they are meant to be.
Garrett is a beautiful soul. He will always be.
I am the constant "yes girl" when people need something. No matter that I am completely overwhelmed; I do it to myself.
As I have learned in my life, we often do what we want done for us. In my case, I have had some wonderful and amazing people help me through when things get rough. So, I feel compelled to say yes when I am asked to help.
This is not a good thing. What eventually happens is that I neglect myself, my house, my business and then everything becomes hairy-scary.
On a regular basis, I have cancelled exercise commitments, missed my business class, and let my house get DIRTY.
So, today I pledge to be selfish. I am going to exercise, go to class and CLEAN my house. I still have the commitments I have already made, but nothing new.
Here is what is important-out of the mouth of my 5 yr old son- "You have to love yourself more than anyone else or you can't love anyone." Oh the wiseman said....
Tomorrow, I keep my commitments to those I have said yes to. I will get up earlier to exercise, go to class on Friday, stay late to catch up and study, ship all my orders, finish my articles for the newspaper I write for and then, I am watching Lipstick Jungle with a friend.
This weekend, I AM going to downtown Asheville to enjoy its "ashevilleness' and I am not going to make any plans with anyone but myself. As Carrie in Sex In The City did, she had dates with herself and her NYC. I am having a date with me and my AVL.
Friday, October 3, 2008
The newest item in the HeartMommy product line; the Asheville Onsie!
The idea for this series came after a late evening session with my 'team'...Denise and Katharina; they rock!
The pattern reminded us of looking into a kaleidoscope and we added orange stitching to make it pop. The HeartMommy logo is in the center of the Onsie...I love it!
There are hearts everywhere in the pattern...All you need is love, baby!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Yesterday, I went on my first field trip with my son and it was FUN!
Great pumpkin patch, perfect weather, my son and his kindergarten class.
Today, I am working on some amazing designs for HeartMommy Onsies. They are fabulous and I can't wait for everyone to see them!!
For now, Chocolate....
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
My ame is acy so it is iterestig.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Today, I spent time reviewing all my photos and organizing, naming and posting them. The new profile photo of Garrett and me is from photographer Colleen Walsh.
Colleen and I worked together in the corporate world and we are friends. After Garrett arrived we did our one and only professional photo shoot.
Colleen draped our living room with a white backdrop, set up a photo studio in our house. We had a wonderful time and have wonderful photos of Garrett before his first birthday.
He was so small we had to roll up his pants. Little did we know that he would grow so tall that we keep buying 'slim-tall' and he cotinues to grow out of them each month.
Adorable, pre-first haircut hair...
Visit Colleen Walsh Photography at www.colleenwalsh.com to see her fabulous photos.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
HeartMommy.com just went live moments ago; what a great birthday present!!
Please visit http://www.heartmommy.com/ and take a look around.
Nancy- HeartMommy to Garrett
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
This was the beginning of the business-HeartMommy.
Kim is an integral part of our lives. She and her family are wonderful and embrace my son and our family as part of theirs.
On a recent visit, my son met his Great-Grandfather! It was amazing. To see into the future and imagine what my son may look like as a grown man; fascinating.
As we all chatted and visited with each other, he worked the room and took photos of everyone and everything.
Since then, he has continued his photography hobby and has quite the eye.